Round 2 of 6, DONE!

So I actually completed the last of the biochemo meds earlier today. The treatment time was ok this time - actually a little harder than I remembered from the first time. As more time passes, the more I forget. I pleasant side effect of the Ativan. I am doing well and healthy. They had to keep me on a drip to clear out my kidneys. Other than that my organs seem to be responding well. I'm super fatigued this time which is a bit surprising. I felt better going into this treatment than I did the first time but I think the cumulative effect of the meds is being felt. It will probably get progressively more difficult, but hopefully not devastatingly so.

I'm just laying here in the hospital bed. Kristin is bustling around the room getting ready for our flight tomorrow. I feel comfortable - when I have the meds right this is not too awful of an experience. We have a plan for the meds tomorrow. Last time when we flew I didn't take anything - we were afraid that I'd pass out and then Kristin couldn't work with me getting on and off the plane. This time we have a better understanding of the meds. Everyone has said that its so important to stay on top of your meds - I didn't really understand that last time as all of the meds I took with me were PRN (as needed) meds and I didn't understand what I was feeling. I just felt awful - I didn't equate it to nausea or itching or anything. So I basically didn't take the meds. Not smart on my part. Hopefully, the place ride tomorrow is much more pleasant (SLEEP!!) and we can get through it ok. Dale dropped us off at the airport and will be picking us up tomorrow. That should be a big help.

Kara and her family has been with the kids again. So amazing her service. We are very blessed.

Anyways, just wanted to get a quick update out. I'm alive and doing well. Really nervous about the next 4-5 days but I think we've got a plan to deal with it. Can't wait to see the kids!!!! I always miss them so much.

Had a visit from Celeste and Rich on Saturday. It was awesome! I think I was a little out of it so if I drooled or said anything silly, my apologies. Such a beautiful family and we loved spending some time with them. That's a 10-11 hour round trip drive - no small sacrifice. Makes me feel loved.

Grateful for my savior Jesus Christ. As I was a little more coherent this time I was able to ponder more about His suffering and His love. Something deeply humbling to be able to have our small little trials and heartaches and to be tie them back to him and know that he cares so much about me individually. So grateful to know that.

Good night. I'll try not to wait so long to update :)

LOOOONG journey home - just breath

Holy cow! That was the hardest trip of my life. Not being under the care of the doctors and nurses, being stuck in a hot plane (and then a freezing cold plane) - my body can't regulate temps well. Feeling nauseous and fatigued beyond anything I've ever felt before. As my friend Barry who went through this before warned me, the week after biochemo is the hardest week. I'm a believer. It is very nice to be at home. To see my sweet children... to limply lift my head to wish them well on their first day of school,

and watch my trooper wife march them off even though I know she is exhausted. I am just trying to survive right now. Taking in food, keeping myself hydrated and trying to rest. It's a simple plan and one free of any ambition. 

We got home about 10:30pm last night to Kaptain Kara-merica. Wow! House cleaned and disinfected, kids bags packed for first day, the whole house organized, mopped and perfect. It was full of food and the kids had gone to bed at a good time. They woke up refreshed and happy. I really am in awe of how much she did while we were gone for the week. I don't know how to thank her enough. We are truly blessed with such amazing people in our lives. Thank you Auntie Kara! I hope you know what your selfless service means. I'm convinced I see the savior most clearly through other's eyes. For some reason that is the clearest way His light shines to me... Kara's eyes were sparkling last night. Thank you to her wonderful husband and kids too. 

A couple of funny anecdotes Kristin told me yesterday when we were coming home. I remember basically nothing from the hospital. I was out like 22 hours per day. I do distinctly remember being snuggled up to her in our little twin bed most of that time. She said often people would come in to take my vitals and they would jump and say "whoa, we got two in this bed" or one woman came in and said "ya'll are like little teenage lovers. I'm gonna have to go slap my husband upside the head when I get home." My favorite was I guess someone came in and said "your last name is just way too hard so now we all just call you the 'cute couple'." Kristin responded that she wanted to adopt that nickname and the nurse just laughed and said you can't adopt a nickname that everyone already calls you :).

We have to go get labs tomorrow to make sure all is well. If I have diarrhea more than 3 times, a temp over 101 or anything problematic we have to go to the ER. UGHH. I don't want to do that. Hopefully all heals well. Hoping for a normal week next week.

One last funny thing I didn't remember at all until Kristin told me the story... I was laying in bed and I looked up and saw Dr. Patel
(medical oncologist) at the nurses station (see pic when she was chatting in my room). It was only Kristin and I in the room. I started saying "Fire, Water, Air, Earth" and singing the song for "Avatar, the last airbender". I guess I was convinced that my doctor looks just like the firebender's daughter (Azula) in that show and I felt like singing... don't remember at all!

Lastly, my sister in law Valerie mentioned to me that you never know when tender mercies would come and from where. Got one last night night via text message as I was sitting in airport waiting for luggage and feeling like I was in hell... received a note of love and encouragement that felt very much out of the blue but felt like a tender mercy as it brought me to tears. Thanks to those who receive promptings and follow them. Life is made up of so many of these types of opportunities. Thanks Nigel :). 

1 Week of Biochemo DONE

This was written from the hospital before we came home...

That was.... interesting? I've said before that many weeks of my life were a blur - This last week was completely a blur. Ativan is pleasant hehe. My wife is an angel. My doctors and nurses are heaven sent. I feel a ton of love. I'm fortunate to be young and healthy. I basically just remember being tired. I would roll over and find a comfy spot and go to sleep. To start the week, they came in and hooked me up to a monster looking IV pole. At one point the pole had 16 IV bags on it. The pic below is when my nurse was first setting it up (looked more like a battle than a medical procedure). Got to practice my Chinese again with this wonderful nurse (she was so sweet and came back and visited us even when she wasn't our nurse).

After she set it all up, she then told me she was turning it all on. Dacarbazine, Vinblastin, and Cisplatin (all Chemo drugs), Interleukin-2 (biotherapy drug), and Ativan all came that first night (and the Interferon - biotherapy - was a shot in my stomach). I didn't feel any pain as the IV's started, but about two hours into the process, I remember feeling an awful sensation run through my body. I rolled over towards my wife, groaned and moaned and snuggled up next to her - yes we shared our tiny little twin bed for a week (I told you, she's an angel). Honestly, that is as awful as it got. Other times I remember feeling some nausea (I think they'd ask me if I was feeling any nausea and I was).... but mostly I was just completely out of it.... kind of a drug induced roll over and find a comfy spot kind of dream. I was cold some... I do remember getting the chills at one point and shaking uncontrollably and they had to give me some demorall to control that. I do remember often times coming to it enough to look at my wife and feel so much gratitude that she was there and so supportive and loving. I think I even told her that a few times. Every night for 5 nights they would give me the Interferon as a shot in my stomach - I laughed when Hong, the nurse,  gave it to me the first time cause she pinched my stomach so hard that the shot didn't even hurt. Smart. Sun Tzu - The art of deception :).

As I look back on the experience (and especially as I look forward to the 5 additional weeks of this over the next 4 months), I think I need to be careful not to mischaracterize it as not a big deal, but rather I feel I was comforted and held in a loving embrace in a time of need. As I sit here pondering the experience and how to describe it - before the treatment, my sweet intuitive mother was blessed with a peaceful assurance that someone would be with me during this time. This happened. Many people have told me that others beyond the grave are standing ready to assist. I felt it strongly this last week. I'm brought to tears of gratitude as this realization hits me fully right now. Maybe my older brother Timmy, my sister in law Susan, my mother in law Lynne, my grandpa Albrechtsen, or possibly my namesake Great Grandpa Parker. As I write that last one, the tears roll freely.

Short story tied to that one. My mom and dad actually agreed on my name as John Eric when I was born (actually listed on my birth certificate for 10 days). As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) we are then blessed in church by someone holding the priesthood and given a name and a blessing. Usually it is a restating of the name that was put on your birth certificate in the hospital. My father (unbeknownst to my mom) changed my name when he pronounced that blessing. Calling me John Parker - my great grandfathers name. My father felt guided by the spirit to make this change. Afterwards, in doing some research he found out that Grandpa John Parker and I share the same birthday. He actually passed away on a freak accident about 2 years older than I am currently, 38. I feel comfort in that story when I have only felt confusion and a little wonder before. Family history, genealogy and our roots matter deeply.

I am not a superstitious person, but I have come to believe deeply in some things. There are purposes and reasons behind the things that happen in our lives. Every once in awhile we are blessed with a glimpse of that. It shines so brightly now as to take my breath away and make me gaze up in awe as if I can see the very face of God.   

I am very blessed.

So I actually feel pretty good right now. They say the next five days should be the hardest. Hard to eat. Nausea. No energy. Etc. We'll see. I can't wait to get home to see the kids. We have a flight in 3 hours.

Thank you so much for the prayers and the support and love. Obviously I'm feeling them. We are set for the second round of this treatment on August 21.

I do seem to have some small issue with my liver that the doctors are watching closely and trying to figure out what's going on. They ran a few more tests and should have some results in about a week.

When we go home, I need to be as active as I'm able, try to eat as much as possible, and try to rest. I will have blood drawn 2 x per week to make sure all is well. I guess about 1 week from now is when my immune system will be at it's lowest so I'll have to be cautious with that.